Here is my repeated failure routine (something I'm sure hoping many of you can relate to as well):
Something pushes me to make a change. It could be anything! Seeing some smoking hot cougar flaunt her toned body in a bikini whereas I practically swim entirely clothed. I may as well wear a parka in the pool. How about looking at myself naked in a mirror? Yikes. Sorry for that disturbing mental image. Oh, we all can relate here...SHOPPING! Fun times, right? Trying on those size 12 jeans when you know you're a size 22. (Why do we torture ourselves with this ridiculous habit anyway? We leave the store knowing we're fat...we don't lose that fat on the drive over!) Browsing through old photos, dropping your jaw when you see how fucking hot you were & sadly realizing that even then you thought you were fat. Pick one, choose them all; whatever the case may be, something drives us to make a change for the better. I get hyped up, figure out a workout regimen, maybe write down some diet changes. I put these changes into effect for a few days but...INTERFERENCE! Something happens to stop these changes. I get sick (or in my case, pregnant...) or I have to skip a day for whatever reason or I have no healthy alternative aside from that ice cream cone I can't seem to resist. Sometimes it's because I'm around those who don't need or want to make a change or perhaps someone who doesn't agree with my ways. Whatever it may be...my fiery motivation has been interfered with and then I lose any progress (big or small...because even small progress is good progress!) and I simply stop. And really, this excuse is rationalized in my mind because I probably could have worked through whatever I felt was stopping me. Sigh. It's a vicious cycle.
My mind is clear, friends, and my eyes work perfectly. Okay, so I don't actually have 20/20 vision, but my vision is good enough to see the fat dripping over my jeans. Nobody needs a microscope to see that! I know what I see in front of my when I scrutinize myself in the mirror. And I know how it's affecting my life. But my body? Fat Tessa has nearly taken it up in it's entirety! How do I connect the two? How do I fuse my mind & my body together to synchronize? At what point do I stop giving myself chances?
I've contemplated this question for quite some time & I've realized the answer is simple. NEVER. I never stop giving myself chances. And why? Because I am worth it. My self esteem, my happiness & my health...they are worth fighting for. My children are worth fighting for. My husband is worth fighting for. My life is worth fighting for.
So how can I climb over this giant, looming mountain of failure? I don't know. I haven't yet. I've taken a few steps up, only to tumble back down again. But I'll tell you what...I will keep trying. I'll keep trying & eventually I will make it over that damn mountain. I will make it happen. And I will give myself as many chances as I need...zillionth times the charm, right? And when I make it over that mountain, I will turn around & give it two big MIDDLE FINGERS.
[I want this to be an interactive blog! Are you still facing this mountain, like me? Have you taken a few steps up & continue to climb? Or have you made it over, are you still successfully fighting off that fat demon of yours? Comment below! Share your story.]
Hiya. I'll join in on this. I know EXACTLY how you feel! I don't think we were blessed with the best genetics! I was in total denial until about this time last year. I finally just decided to go for it. I started being serious in January and was very conscious of everything I ate. However, I did have a day where I wasn't so worried about what I ate. After some time I realized I had a lot of fun trying to cool healthy yummy food. The blog skinny taste is amazing! Anyways, I hit -50 pounds in June. I was super excited and was quite proud of how well I did. Starting in July I haven't been as focused since we have pretty much been on the move since that time. I haven't weighed myself in months, but that was because our scale was packed. I was a little scared since I am a sucker for anything with hazelnuts, and Germany has hazelnut everything. Happily though, I have only gained about 3 pounds since June/July. I am ready to get back on the health habit train and would like to lose another 50. I have websites and blogs that I like and you can email me if you are interested. We can be weight loss pals too if you want! I know what you are going through and maybe we can help support each other!
ReplyDeleteYou can do it! keep trying you just have to get used to it which will take time
ReplyDelete-chelz